So many women are stuck in straining marriages. Chances are you have lost your identity trying to please your spouse and he ends up taking advantage of that. He knows that you derive your happiness from him and no matter what he does to you he knows you will stick around. He abuses you physically and emotionally, you have lost count of how many times he has cheated, he disrespects you even in the presence of your children and relatives. And you have accepted the situation and learnt to live with it?
Praying and fasting is very important, but remember, the good book states that faith without action is dead. So no matter how much you pray about it, nothing much will happen unless you do something. Now i am not an expert but here are my two cents on actions you should try.
Do not break your marriage, however learn how some things can improve your feeling of self worth and earn respect and love from your spouse.
1. Seek inner peace. People have wronged you, family friends relatives, strangers etc. Forgive them Peace comes from within. Do not carry any heavy weights that always bring you down. How will you fly and soar with all this baggage that keeps weighing you down? Seek peace from within, not without. Find time to meditate, read the word, find some quiet time by yourself. Forgive your husband. This will come to him as a shock and he will not understand why you are this peaceful despite everything he is doing.
2. Participate in Fun activities. Join a dancing class, never mind if you have 2 left feet like most of us :) You can do this once per week or however frequently your schedule allows. There is no way you will come out of a dancing session and have bad moods. You will get home in such high spirits your husband will continue being confused. At this point it may hit him that he is not your only source of happiness. Remember its all from within, not without. You can also try hiking or join a Zumba class. Just get something that you enjoy.
3. Go back to school. Nothing beats empowerment like an informed woman. Go to school not just to get educated but to get informed. It doesn't matter whether you are enrolling for a Certificate, Diploma, Undergraduate, Masters or Doctorate. The act of enrolling itself will boost your self worth and confidence. At this point you will have your time occupied doing meaningful things. Your husband will start to notice that you are no longer quarrelling him over tiny matters as you have more important issues to attend to.
4. Start a new business venture. Many of the times women who are mistreated are those who do not have a source of income. They depend on their husbands provision for every single thing. Now i don't mean you look for a job, you can create a job(s). You do not have to start with a chain of supermarkets, or a fleet of boutiques. start small. You can buy second hand cloths and sell them. Invest the money you earn back to the business and before you know it, your fleet of boutiques will be earning you your income. That way you may end up finding yourself flying to Dubai every now and then to restock your business. Have you ever seen an achieved Entrepreneurial woman mourning everyday about how her husband disrespects her? You dont have to follow this line of business. You can start baking cakes, making clothes, braiding hair from your house etc. The list is endless.
5. Take good care of physical yourself. Lets admit it, before you were married you used to really look good. You couldn't allow your weight to go past a certain limit, your hair was also well kept, your skin was well taken care of. But what happened after you said "i do"? I know some factors such as family planning, being occupied with the kids etc also play a huge role. Always remember this: Men are visual creatures. He wants to show you off to his buddy's. He wants them to constantly comment on how his wife is a well kept woman. he wants to confidently walk with you, sio ati you are walking together then suddenly he is 100 metres ahead!
The point here is not to look good for your husband, Look good for yourself! This will boost your confidence and it will also rub on him.
You do not have to go to expensive salons and spas for your skin care. You can do your own facials at home (learn how). Join a gym or buy some workout DVDs. You can also jog. Whatever you do lose the excess weight, not only for beauty but for health purposes. You never know maybe your weight is also limiting you on the number of aerobics you can do at night? and your bedminton sessions have become routine? hehehe. Also remember, weight gain starts from your kitchen. Healthy body weight is 80% Diet and 20% exercise. Choose your foods wisely.
6. List 5 of your hobbies: What are the Five things that you love doing most? Swimming, reading novels, camping, cooking listening to music... etc. Every week make sure you do at least two of your hobbies. Things that you enjoy and make you happy. That way you will discover long forgotten interests. many women do not create some "me" time. You are human, you need to replenish. have sometime for yourself. Again remember this puts you in a great mood and you forget about the trifling things that make you and your spouse quarrel. You need to get a life. Remember not to lose your identity in your marriage. You and your husband will form a great partnership, but you will never be your husband. You are your own self, always remember that.
7. Reconnect with your friends. you remember those good friends you lost contact with just because you got married? look for them. Your husband is a man and there are some things you can not talk to him about, and even if you told him he wouldn't understand. Losing your close friends also means that you lose people you identify with. The same way your hubby needs time with the "boys" you also need time with your "girls". hangout go for movies, do your hair, tell silly stories. Just be girls and do girlie things. Avoid destructive friends, but surround yourself with women who build each other up, and challenge you positively. You can join a chama that has godly goals, wachana na hizo kamweretho wanaendanga kutafuta tu vijanaa for out of town escapades. Those are sinful women.
8. Respect and Love yourself: A singer once said "Respect comes when you respect yourself". How do you expect your husband to respect you when you have let him have his way in everything even if it means demeaning you. Teach him to respect you by first loving and respecting yourself. Jesus said that we should love our neighbours as we love ourselves. That means our good Lord expects us to first love ourselves before we can love any other person.If you truly love your husband, first show that love to yourself, in accordance to what Jesus taught us. If your hubby does some things you don't stand for, stand your ground respectfully. Let him know you don't agree with his actions. You don't have to shout or argue but be firm in what you say.
9. Build up on your talents: What is it that God has really blessed you with? Do you have that golden voice iliyo mtoa nyoka pangoni? or is it that you are an excellent cook? Can you make really beautiful clothes everyone admires, are you a great actress, poet writer, comedian?
Do not sit on your talent. Go Record that Music CD, Start that Fashion house, Open a bakery or Hotel, Write and publish that book you have always wanted, Go and give speeches if you are good in public speaking, write that poem. Your husband will notice that you are excelling at something God gifted you with. At this point he will have nothing but respect for you. Don't be surprised if he becomes your number one fan. He has now noticed that you know your strengths and you are capitalising on them, and truthfully speaking, there nothing much he can do about them hehehehe............how beautiful is that?!
10. Career woman, Look for new challenges. You are used to being in your position and you are in your comfort zone. Life begins at the end of our comfort zones so get out of your comfort zone. Is there a new position at your workplace that you qualify for? apply for that position. Are there new tasks?Go for them, are there trainings and seminars that will promote your effectiveness and efficiency at work? attend them faithfully. Does a promotion requires higher education qualifications? go back to school girl. Whatever you do make sure you are moving from one glory to another. Remember this will not come when you are just seated in the office doing routines you have done for the past five years, and you have mastered the art you can even do the routines with your eyes closed! Get moving!
11. Read Books. Yes lady, there is power in an informed woman. always make sure you have a book that you are reading at any said time. Join a book club where you can read and swap books with other people. It can be motivational books, educative books, different genres, but whatever you do never stop reading your books. There are many great writers out there. One of my favourite is Paulo Coelho. Read girl, read read read!
12. Pray. Always remember to commit yourself, hubby, children, country, church, friends, relatives etc in prayer. am family that prays together, stays together.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything through prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God" Philippians 4:6
There you have it. reclaim your life. Your husband may start noticing a difference in you. He will see that you are now happy most of the time, you are at peace, You no longer nag over tiny issues, you are developing your skills and talents. He will now understand that he is a blessing to you but he is not the main source of your happiness as you derive your joy from within yourself. He may even think you are cheating on him, i mean how come all over sudden you are this happy and content? hehehe
Dont to assure him that you love him, and this has nothing to do with another man in your life. Let him fall in love afresh with your new self. Life is meant to be enjoyed, not endured!
Have an Empowered Day
Adhis ♥
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