Single ladies, UPDATE

Ladies to be honest, above all other qualities you seek in a guy, who doesn't want a 'well-heeled-man'?
Updating is all about dating a man out of your league. Just because you are born and bred in Kayole Masimba doesn't mean you cant sweep that swanky dude from Karen off his feet!
Yea so turns out you are a very choosy woman (like most women) and it seems no man fits your preference, well I got news for you.

Now before you all start calling people gold diggers, please note that the same way guys are attracted to pretty ladies, Ladies are attracted to men who can provide. Show me a woman who doesn't want to go on vacation in Bahamas and have her Kids attend GEMs Cambridge International School,  and i will show you a liar! Every single woman wants a man who gives her a sense of security, that her kids will not sleep hungry, that she will not walk around in shoes that have seen their better days.

So despite all you have tried, all you attract are men who take you to Sonford yet you dprefer dining in La Sumeria? Your guy insists on taking you to some dimly lit club down River road yet you prefer chilling at "The Champagne Bar" in Sankara? Have a seat.

1. Dress the Part. Yea i know leggings and those coloured jeans trousers are in, but if you are to get the attention of that above average guy, you need to stop wearing clothes that half of Nairobi women own. Sometimes you walk in town and 3 out of 5 women are wearing the same, and you are left wondering whether there was some church choir competition somewhere. Tumbo cuts, spaghetti tops, and some other clothing that leave you looking like a Luthuli Avenue evening worker are a no-no.

Now you don't have to rob a bank, some vintage clothes are quite stylish. Instead of shopping at the exhibition mall and end up looking like everyone else, check out some places that offer Stylish Vintage clothes, be unique.

2. Make up Matters. Dear lady less is more. Don't be one of those ladies who plaster their faces with all sorts of cake and their faces end up looking like Fanta orange, and the rest of their body looks like Coca-Cola. Again please don't shave your eyebrow and replace it with an inverted NIKE symbol drawn using eye pencil. Please for your own sake ditch that eyeshadow that leaves you looking like you work with Peter Marangi. In most cases lip gloss is always enough....until at least you master the art of makeup. There are so many on line lessons on applying makeup. Keep away from those nail polishes that make you look like you just arrived from Alego.

3. Body Language. Remember this guy you are aiming to attract is an achieved person. Probably has travelled the world, has seen everything. What am saying is that your confidence level should be at 100%. Don't be intimidated, always walk with your chin parallel to the ground, but look out for them potholes hehe.

Look people in the eye when talking to them. Don't cross you arms you look like Hitler's cousin. When seated don't cross your legs at your knees, ladies cross them at the ankles, some etiquette lessons here. Whatever you do, ensure you don't send the wrong body message.

4. The right neighbourhood. Okay so after your date he decides to drop you home. After manoeuvring his way round dimly lit alleys and streets filled with waste everywhere, you request him to park his sleek Range Rover Evoque some 200 metres from your house so that he can walk you home as the path is too narrow. Hunny that will be the last time you hear from him. Get a servants quarter or a bedsitter in a middle class neighbourhood if you are seriously searching for Mr Ching-Ching!

5. Speech as Art. Turns out ghetto radio is your thing and you cant do without your daily dose of Mbusi-Deh. No problem. But please note that if you intent to keep a conversation with an upper Class Citizen, you will need to furnish your speech. Sheng' is a no go zone. No need to tweng' like you just landed from NYC, no need for that fake British accent (by the way how come when they sing, Britons drop their accent?). Basic English is good enough. Drop unnecessary words like Fundamentals( hehe yea i said that!), quintessential and other big words Luos misuse after a night of Rhumba and too much Guinness.

Fluency is the key here, i mean what will happen  when he introduces you to his Diplomatic friends and you cannot construct a grammatically correct sentence?

6. Be Well Informed. Its high time you got informed on Global events. I know village/estate/plot gossip is your favourite, but if you want to nab and keep that well heeled guy you need to always be on your toes. I mean you are not going to start conversations on how mama Katanga stole Njoki's favourite bra from the hanging line! It would be better if you started your conversation with the economy of Greece, or the Situation between Russia and Ukraine. Time to stop buying those Gossip magazines that go for 10 bob. Time to invest in some Financial Times if you are to keep the conversation going with that Investment Banker. Of course you are not going to cram it, hehe its not an exam, but knowing one or two things never hurt a damsel.

7. Dine and Wine in Style. If your aim is to get the attention of that top Financial Analyst, i can assure you you will not find him in Egesa or "Ha Mwaura's". Anything past Moi avenue is a no-no. Avoid those crowded dimly lit Clubs along Tom Mboya street. Rest assured you will not find him there. Try Upmarket areas, where he likely hangs out with his buddies. For starters, you can try Village market, Yaya centre, and other upmarket malls. Hata kama unaenda kununua Kahawa kikombe moja, tunaenelwa mfuko imetoboka. Later on you can advance to those restaurants on Lenana Road, Gitanga Road, General Mathenge Drive etc. I cannot over emphasise the fact that you will not meet that top World Bank official in Egesa hehehe.
Learn basic table etiquette. What fork to use, what wine glass for which type of wine, pronounce the wines and Food properly etc. Ugali na Mrenda utakula kwako but for now familiarise your self with them right type of forks, Knives and Wine Glasses.

8. Pamper His Ego. Ladies, once you nab your guy please note that there is a thin line between pampering his ego and being plain desperate. I leave it at that.

9. Acquired taste. If Prezzo is your favourite artist well and good, but remember on your date it would be better if you mentioned Zahara or Suzzane Owiyo. Or talk about Isaiah Katumwa's jazz music. I know you get my drift. Of course Octopizzo and Vybz Kartel are out of discussion during your date.

10. Sieve your friends. We all have that loud friend who doesn't understand how to whisper.The one who always starts those club fights. The one who has no problem getting in physical fights with men. The one who will jump off a moving Matatu, never mind in her 6 inch mitumba high heels. I don't mean you cut off links with them, but when you are going for movies with your new guy, it would help if you kept her out of the picture. Then maybe later on you can buy her some Blue Moon huko River rodi at her favourite joint. hehehe na Mutura ya 150.

11.Last take off' Do not boot lick, do not play too hard to get.

And if anyone calls you a Gold Digger, remember to Invite them to your 10-Million-Shilling-Invite-Only wedding. Be sure to show her your diamond ring too. I can assure you she will congratulate you and confess how she is trully "happy for you". Hehehehe.

Please take this post with the Lightness it was intended.

Have a Ching-Ching Easter
Adhis ♥